woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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