Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
