You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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