I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
