It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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