He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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