Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
