so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize