3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
