I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
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See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
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I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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