Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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