i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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