oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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