My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
