a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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