There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
