Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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