We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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