highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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