Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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