I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
