Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
