she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
