There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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