We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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