Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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