Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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