the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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