your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
