Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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