people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
