We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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