I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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