Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
