Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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