party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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