and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
