I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
is that a dick in a sweater?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
