He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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