i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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