Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
