dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
