the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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