Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
