I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he told me I talked like a deaf person
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
