whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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