i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
