I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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