I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
