my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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