Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You've changed since you got that strap on
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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