i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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