It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
that is very illegal...i love you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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