tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
accomplished twins. life is a go
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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