Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
