i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
