Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
