Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
