I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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