Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
