I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I need to sanitize my soul.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
