Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
