Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
